THE ROLE GAME
In life, as we walk, we replicate, why?
If you stop and think of the times you walked away from a situation that was uncomfortable, where a person has become a focal point of this discomfort; yet when you move on hey presto up pops another situation and similar feeling with someone else STOP.
Before you leave again, before you buy into the blame game, just stop. Allow some time for reflection and write down exactly what you are feeling. When you are around this person or situation then own your feelings, step beyond the superficial and dive in with courage.
What you will find will surprise you, but also liberate you. We got through our lives placing roles on peoples shoulders and guess what? They become that role because our minds have already put them there.
We have the greatest capacity of greatness, our minds are magnificent, and part of this magnificent mind is the ability to conjure up absolutely anything inside of us and we believe it to be true. This is fantastic if we are visualising a happy outcome to something in your life, holding your dreams in place so you can keep making action steps towards it; but it can become a spiral when your mind is allowed to go down the path of replicating a pattern onto your current life path.
When you were a child, were you allowed just to have that role alone? Or did you become the reason for living, being and the focal point for happiness in your family? What role was handed on to you? Were you labelled lazy? Were you labelled shy? Were you labelled naughty? Were you the reason your family kept going? This is all about that which is put on our shoulders at an early age, instead of the carefree childhood, there was a need or limitation within the adults around you.
This laid a path in the brain of many. I am listening to an audio tape with my son and it is a lovely story about a family who has a genius mum that makes robots and she makes one for each specific task in the home. It really got me thinking.
If each of us was given a programme as a child and that programme is the pathway or path in our minds. So we are given the example of roles and multi-roles. We are separated from our own identity when we are expected to take on roles for the significant caregivers around us.
So fast forward to the adult, the adult goes out into the world and you walk your path, and as you do you step towards a person who ‘triggers’ something inside. You feel that someone has control over you and affects you in a way that is so intense that its crippling. Yet the same words or behaviour from another person would not have the same effect, so why does someone become a ‘monster’?
You may walk away, if it is a job or a relationship, you can leave, but then six months later the situation comes to your door again. It is a different person, different job, yet you are floored again by something so intense that you are stripped.
Now is the time to see the truth, it is not the person, it is not the place, it is the pathway that is still laid down in your brain. You have a programme inside you and it is reminding you that now is the time to change it. How do you do this? Stop, stop blaming the person in front of you that is bringing up such intense emotions, step beyond the illusion and you will see that you are being called to change your programme.
This is a simple ceremony. Write down everything that you are feeling, this helps you step out of the mind cycle, actually writing draws the thoughts out of your mind and they stop going round and round.
The next step is to take the ‘name’ off the person or situation, remove the name and write again, write how you feel, HOW YOU FEEL. The shift that this process has on your energy then opens the door for you to trace the path back, back to the original pathway, with the original person who helped lay this programme in the first place. The going back is not to blame the original path layer, it is to see where it starts gives you the answer to heal. When the writing is finished burn that which you have written, send it to heaven as smoke and feel the bonds to the past slip away.
The instant fix is to walk away, the path of seeing the truth, owning your path and stepping back briefly, to your past, is by far the most freeing. Step back, accept, accept that the original path layer was a human being who was hurting. Children are these bright lights in our lives and for those in pain, it is like plugging into a source of happiness, but it is someone else’s happiness and it gets drained. Happiness comes from within, children remind us of this, they are not our source of it.
My message is two-fold, allow children to inspire us yes and be amazing teachers, yes, but let them be; let them be themselves. There is no need for extra roles. As adults around children, we have the responsibility of staying clear with this, they are not the decision makers, the substitute partners, happiness fix, putty to play with; they are divine beings, just as we are. Work on ourselves, not on our children.
The second message is please do stop before you walk away from something or someone who is really getting to you, they are actually showing you what needs to be let go of. Stop running, for you take the programme with you. Go within, open the door to healing and allow the greatness that is your heart support you in breaking free of the old and allow the new to begin.
A new path, a blessing and a healing. I call this blog “the role game” as it shows clearly that this can be changed. If you don’t like a game you can change it, put it away, sell it, bin it, recycle it. You have the power to empower yourself. No one and nothing has power over you, no one.